


Youth

by TrainCandy



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Depression, Hurt Spencer Reid, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Spencer Reid, Suicide, Suicide Notes, no beta we die like men, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrainCandy/pseuds/TrainCandy
Summary: "And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are goneWe're setting fire to our insides for funCollecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our homeIt was a flood that wrecked this home"-From Youth by Daughter
Relationships: Luke Alvez/Spencer Reid, mentioned
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	Youth

**Author's Note:**

> Sad story because I needed to vent.

Spencer sat at his desk, staring at an empty office. Everyone had gone home by now, it was the weekend and people wanted to have fun. His hands were neatly placed on top of the desk, the cool feeling brought him back to reality.

Looking around the dimly lit room once more. He got up from his chair, grabbing his bag and slowly heading towards the elevator. Letting it open and carefully stepping inside, he stared at the buttons before pressing one, letting his finger linger there for a second before letting his hand fall to his side.

Feeling the slow and unsteady movement of the elevator as it went downwards. Listening closely to the elevator door as it opened, stepping out, walking to the main exit, and letting the cool air hit his face. He stood there for a while just staring into space. He blinked to try and come back to his senses. Calling a cab to take him home, he focused on the warmth of the inside of the car. 

Once the movement of the car came to a full stop he handed cash to the driver, stepping back out into the cold air. He held himself to try and gain the warmth back, but it was useless. He walked into his apartment, taking off his coat and hanging it. He felt the soft material wishing he could stay longer.

Placing his bag on the couch he went to the bathroom taking his shoes off in his room beforehand. He peeled off all the layers of clothing and turned on the shower waiting for it to be warm. He turned to look at himself in the mirror. He’d let his hair grow out, it was almost to his shoulders again. His eyes had dark bags, only his face had been shaved.

His hand reached up to touch his face. He looked back to the shower, making sure it was warm enough before stepping in. Spencer washed his hair and body making sure everything was clean. Even after all the soap suds had been washed off he stood there. He felt the water knowing it would be the last time he would shower in the apartment.

Turning it off he got out, drying himself. Spencer blow-dries his hair after getting into a white shirt and blue pajama pants. He orders some Chinese take out for himself. Studying the person's voice while he places an order. Male, 20 to 25, confident. One of the last profiles he’ll ever make.

The food arrives soon after, he hands the man his money taking it and placing it on his coffee table. It smells great. Spencer sits down, starting to eat and watching Doctor Who. For what will most likely be the last time. His hair kept falling into his face. He got up to grab a hair tie and some clips. Tying his soft brown hair into a low ponytail and placing the clips in the front of his hair so it wouldn’t slip out.

He went back to finish his food. Cleaning up afterward. He went back to the bathroom one last time to brush his teeth. He brushed for exactly 4 minutes. 2 minutes on each row. Rinsing his mouth then looking at himself in the mirror once more. He walked into the living room, grabbing his bag that was on the couch.

He pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills. He walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He opened the bottle and stared at the pills. He knows it will be painless. 

So he takes 9. 

Drinks all the water that was in the glass and leaves it next to the open bottle of pills. He goes back to the living room and grabs a note he wrote earlier, placing it on the coffee table. Spencer lays down on the couch, using a cushion for a pillow and covering himself in a blanket that was on the couch. 

Then closes his eyes.

His organs slowly shut down while he was asleep. No pain. He was able to rest and stop his pain.

There was a case on the weekend. Everyone rushed to Quantico, it was 7 am. Spencer wasn’t there. Garcia called him but no answer. Luke hadn’t arrived yet so he went to go check on him. Once he arrived he rushed into the complex and made his way to Spencer's apartment.

He knocked. Once, then twice, three times. No answer. He tried to check if it was open, to his surprise it was. He saw Spencer on the couch, he looked peaceful. He walked in to wake him up but stopped when he saw the letter. It read ‘to the team’ Luke slowly picked it up, hands shaking.

He opened it. 

‘ _I’m writing this to the BAU. My family. My friends. When you read this I’ll already be gone. I’m sorry. There was just too much to handle._

_Hotch, you are an amazing leader and father, don’t forget that, please._

_Emily, you are so strong, stronger than I ever was. You’ll get through this._

_JJ, you are the greatest best friend that anyone could ask for, thank you._

_Morgan, thank you for the most wonderful moments, you made me laugh so much._

_Rossi, you always seemed to believe in me even when no one else would._

_Garcia, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, you made me smile._

_Luke, I love you so much, please find someone who’ll make you happy._

_I’ll never forget any of you even when I’m gone. Please keep on going._

_Spencer._ ’

A tear fell from Luke’s face onto the paper. He walked slowly to Spencer, leaning down to pick him up and hug him. More tears started to fall from his face, he got up and called the team. The team came quickly, they saw as emergency responders removed his body from his home. 

Luke sat on the couch, “He was dead since yesterday night.” Tears were still falling, he didn’t care enough to hide them. “He left this note for us,” Luke said softly. He read it out once the responders were gone. Everyone’s eyes teared at what Spencer had written.

The case was harder that day. Knowing a chair is now forever empty. 


End file.
